I found the santa ornament thing and it brought back thoughts of your mother and i wondered if
I should
say hi. let her know i still think about her and the family she has. or should just stay and let it pass because really? why bring up the past. right now i am swimming in tequilla and orange juice, chaser you know? and i wonder should i even be writing as if in a letter to someone whom i know i shall probably never see again? a few days ago i wanted to kill myself and fuck the world. today i am a virulent part of said world and cannot even think about such mundane things as death. In point of fact i need to get laid. i want to get fucked. i must find some human interaction from the opposite gender. i counted on my fingers how many partners I’ve had ive counted 6 technically a possibility of two others (one a blow job the other a single penetration and nothing more than this shouldnt be happening what have we done?)
i’m drunk. my head is listing and my eyes are closing and I find noone attractive anymore besides the women i kiss when i am dancing and enjoying myself to the hilt. hehehe… hilt… as if i had a dick! i wish i had a dick. life would be simpler more than likely. i want to know how things can continueon the course they have been on for so long? people make me sick. especially the old friends who nolonger talk to me or care and say hey i wonder what She is up to? or i wonder if she still thinks of me. I know every blue moon i still think of her. but all i have are these memories who lie and steal my past from me. that could be in a song. i forgot my password. had to get a new one. no clue how to make my own new one and too drunk to care. i love you theres been noone since you and you don’t even know. but if i had the chance to change that and put someone else there (my heart that is) i would change it. theres no reason in anything anymore let alone a reason for you to stay where you stopped wanting to be. and idk but i thin ksometimes if you wound up where you wanted to be. I know i’m not where i would have wanted to be when i was with you. and why i cant get over you i don’t know. and why i cant stand you (your face your friends, your ways) anymore i don’t know either. I don’t think i want to wait for you to grow up and mature again. i once thought you were very mature and then suddenly you were a child again. enamored of your freedom and not soon to rein in. not that i wanted you leashed. you know i would never have done you like that. i’m pretty sure i am, actually, over you. have been for a while but more into girls than was once my style. tho if you remember i wanted a female taru or two. idk what i’m saying anymore. i can barely stay awake to write and idk what i am writing about in the first place. lovers cheat and lovers lie, and lovers love til they Are the sky. and i want a lover to love as my own if only to fuck and only to bone. i want to be a sub to a dom who cares and i want to love like noone else dares. too bad i am so cold. right now i am quite warm but thats not the point. i want a collar round my neck and a nice big meaty dick! lol i made a rhyme! oh well. night.
